i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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