The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
