he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
