This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
