that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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