if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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