I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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