So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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