i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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