My sheets look like a crime scene.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
