Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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