She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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