She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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