Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
