it wasn't lemon gatorade
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Two words: blizzard sex
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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