I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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