The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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