Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
