I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
