high people should be assigned attendants
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
