Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
