I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
