I met the friendliest cop last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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