Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
