Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
