He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't turn off my feet"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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