im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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