I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize