This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
