Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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