whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
