drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
