but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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