Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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