Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't think brook has ever known best
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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