I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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