how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
