Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
