shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
