i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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