My room smells like vodka and shame
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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