i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
