I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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