Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
