high people should be assigned attendants
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
