Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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