are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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