Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
