my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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