Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
