So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
