tell your sister to shave her snatch
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
