I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
