I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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