You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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