the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
