Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
