our cab driver is having phone sex.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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