I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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