I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
