dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
