So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
