I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
