I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
