Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
