SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
